Voluntary Celibacy on the Rise: ‘Looking Back, Was the Sex Really Worth It?’

In a hypersexualized culture, where dating apps dominate and hookups are often seen as the norm, a growing trend is drawing people in. Increasingly, people are making a bold, often surprising choice—voluntary celibacy. This isn’t the celibacy of religious devotion or moral obligation, but rather a personal, empowering decision to opt out of sex and relationships for the sake of mental health, self-discovery, and a reprieve from the modern dating landscape. And for many, it’s proving to be one of the most liberating choices they’ve made.

A Growing Trend

Over the past few years, celibacy has surged in popularity, particularly among millennials and Gen Z. TikTok has played a role in bringing this movement to the forefront, with the #celibacy hashtag amassing hundreds of millions of views. People are increasingly talking about how abstaining from sex has improved their lives, from increased mental clarity and self-respect to a deeper understanding of their personal values.

Searches for celibacy on Google skyrocketed by 90% earlier this year, indicating a growing curiosity about this choice. But what’s driving this trend? For many, it’s a response to an overwhelming, often disappointing dating culture where casual sex is more accessible than emotional intimacy.

A 26-year-old woman Neena (name changed) shared her experience, she found dating apps focused heavily on physical connection rather than emotional compatibility. After a few unrewarding sexual experiences, Neena decided to take a break from dating and sex. This period of intentional celibacy, she says, allowed her to heal, reflect, and, ironically, feel more confident about her own sexuality. “Meeting someone new and sharing intimacy is a risky idea especially when the lines of consent and safety can be blurred in such a scenario,” Neena says. By removing the distractions and pressures of dating, she gained clarity.

The Hookup Culture Burnout

A significant factor in this rising wave of celibacy is burnout from hookup culture. The ease of finding casual sex through dating apps has not necessarily led to fulfilling relationships. For many, it has done the opposite. There’s a growing sentiment among those practicing voluntary celibacy that sex without emotional depth or commitment can feel hollow and unsatisfying.

This echoes findings from the Kinsey Institute, which reports that humans are becoming less sexually active overall. Research shows that fewer people, especially younger adults, are engaging in sexual relationships. In fact, the number of adolescents and young adults in the U.S. reporting no sexual activity has risen sharply in the past decade.

For many women, hookup culture feels especially exhausting. According to sex therapist Dr. Stephen Snyder, women often find themselves carrying the emotional weight of relationships, neglecting their own needs to cater to their partners. This imbalance, combined with a culture that prioritizes male pleasure, leaves many women opting out of sex altogether to regain their sense of self and autonomy.

A Response to Toxic Dating Culture

Another key factor behind the celibacy movement is the disillusionment with modern dating. The rise of dating apps, while seemingly offering endless opportunities to connect, has also brought with it a wave of “ghosting,” emotional detachment, and fleeting, transactional interactions. As Dr. Justin Lehmiller from the Kinsey Institute notes, online dating can create intense competition, leading to feelings of rejection and anxiety for those participating. For some, taking a break from the constant pressure to find a partner is a welcome relief.

In a world where it’s easy to swipe left or right on potential partners, relationships have become more disposable. This has left many people questioning whether sex is even worth the emotional rollercoaster that often comes with it. Women, in particular, are reevaluating their participation in this dating culture, especially as they consider the risks—both physical and emotional—associated with sex. With the lingering impacts of the #MeToo movement and the rollback of reproductive rights in some regions, sex, for many women, is seen as an increasingly high-risk, low-reward endeavor.

The Benefits of Taking a Break

While it may seem counterintuitive, choosing celibacy can lead to a more fulfilling relationship with sex when—or if—someone chooses to reengage. Many celibate individuals report that taking a step back from sex allows them to refocus on themselves, their goals, and what they truly want out of life and relationships. As Ammanda Major, head of clinical practice for Relate, a relationship support service, says, celibacy can be a positive experience when it is a conscious decision rather than one imposed by circumstance.

Celibacy offers a chance for introspection. It allows people to understand what they’re looking for in a relationship, break patterns of unhealthy behavior, and prioritize self-care. Tanya, who embraced celibacy after a long-term relationship, found that stepping away from sex allowed them to rebuild self-esteem and confidence.

Moreover, for those who choose celibacy as a temporary measure, the experience often brings new perspective and balance. For instance, Hope Flynn, a 31-year-old entrepreneur, took an eight-month break from sex to reset her attitude towards relationships and intimacy. During this time, she focused on her personal growth, and when she returned to dating, she found herself more intentional and mindful in her relationships.

Redefining Intimacy

One of the most profound outcomes of voluntary celibacy is the redefinition of intimacy. While sex is often equated with intimacy, many celibate individuals find that their relationships with friends, family, and even themselves deepen in the absence of sexual connections. Stephen, a 60-year-old man who gave up casual sex 20 years ago, shared that he has missed physical intimacy but has found deep companionship and affection in non-sexual relationships with friends and his dogs.

This redefinition of intimacy is an essential component of the celibacy movement. For many, intimacy is about more than physical connection; it’s about emotional closeness, trust, and mutual respect. By stepping away from the pressures of sexual relationships, individuals are finding new ways to connect with themselves and others that go beyond the physical.

Celibacy as Empowerment

For those who choose it, celibacy is more than just abstaining from sex—it’s a form of empowerment. In a world that often reduces relationships to physical interactions, celibacy allows individuals to take back control over their own bodies and minds. It’s a rejection of the notion that sex is a necessary component of happiness or fulfillment.

As society becomes more open to alternative relationship models and sexual practices, voluntary celibacy is carving out a space for itself as a valid, empowering choice. It’s not about prudishness or repression; rather, it’s a conscious decision to prioritize personal well-being, self-discovery, and deeper connections.

In a world obsessed with sex, choosing celibacy can feel radical—but for those who practice it, it’s a pathway to greater self-awareness, empowerment, and fulfillment. As we move forward, this quiet revolution will likely continue to grow, offering an alternative to the pressures and pitfalls of modern dating culture.